Fool Me Once...

Can someone please explain to me why I kept interrupting some of the best days of my life with classes, studying, and tests?

Someone once tricked me into thinking college was some sort of super-awesome launch pad for rocketing me into adulthood and up to “Super Successful” on the Career-O-Meter. If I ever find that person I think I will repay them with a swift shin kick. Liar.

Wait…don’t get me completely wrong. I don’t want to mislead anyone by being over passionate about my desire to kick someone in the shins.

I had a BLAST going to college. I met awesome friends, I grew up a little (still have a loooong way to go), I worked in a snow cone stand, I had some unforgettable experiences on the basketball court, I learned that if I hit the bottle it typically hits back, I broke a heart or two, I mastered the art of cramming a months worth of dirty laundry into 2 giant loads, I developed a love for stair sledding, I wore a lot of sweat pants, and I was even able to make a few scholastic advances. I did college up right – and managed some crazy wrongs in the process.

The experience - I will always appreciate.

The lessons - I will always remember.

The friends - I will always cherish.

The degree - I had matted and framed and it still doesn’t seem to mean jack.

After graduating and getting married, I spent 3 months searching for a job that would allow me to utilize the degree that I worked so hard to obtain. What I found in the process was that I should have graduated high school and started filing and typing in some dark office. This route would have given me the prerequisites necessary to meet the most dreaded item on any qualifications list – 3 to 5 years experience. That matted and framed piece of paper was supposed to trump 3 to 5 years experience hands down. Shin kick.

I finally found a company that offered me an introductory position with advancement opportunities. I took it (I had not been working for 3 months). This introductory position also put me in the tax bracket just below the bum that begged for the $0.37 I was able to scrounge from the bottom of my purse for his next fifth of Kentucky Deluxe. So, not only am I working 40+ hours per week and still eligible for food stamps, but, my job requires that I wear suits, slacks, dress “ensembles” (whatever that is), pantyhose, and high heeled shoes. I can’t put ramen noodles on my table but I sure do dress nice. Shin kick.

I have since taken several of the above mentioned advancement opportunities. I am very happy with my job now. Like everyone else I would still appreciate a pay raise come January. I have a pretty rockin’ benefits package and a life to be very thankful for.

So, in trading my sweat pants wardrobe for one that includes skirts, suits, and heels I have been able to grow quite a bit more (nope, still not even close to there).

Many in my generation are fooled by the shin-kick-deserving authorities that convinced us that college would earn us our wings and we could embark on a flight with no altitude limit. Truth is, for those just learning to fly, an altitude limit is imperative. I graduated, got my piece of paper matted and framed and fully expected to hang in on a wall in the office of a house bigger than the one I grew up in. It took my parents 30 long, grueling years of work to afford that house and I wanted something even better in just 1 year. I love the house that my husband and I chose to make home. It is small but, that just means even when we are upset we have to stay close to one another and when I get to bed and realize I left my cell phone on the coffee table, I don’t have far to go.

With 3 to 5 years experience in the “real world” now, I have learned to appreciate people, relationships, experiences, and possessions much more. College was fun. I did learn more than I ever imagined possible. The knowledge I will retain forever is that it does not matter if a person has a degree or not, no matter how long it takes to find a job, no matter how much money a person brings in, no matter how many toys a person has, the Career-O-Meter probably doesn’t really exist. Mat and frame that piece of paper and hang it on a wall in a home, not just a house. Measure salaries in blessings rather than dollars and we may find our own names on the Forbes list. And, when someone says only those who attend college will be successful or implies that going to college will send a career rocketing to heights of success and wealth that have never been experienced before, kick them in the shins as hard as you possibly can and run away to your small house paid for with your small paycheck and look at that matted and framed piece of paper and remember the huge number of awesome experiences it took to get it and count the huge number of blessings in your life. Now that is success.

Mouth Breathing

I have been feeling a little bit under the weather over the last couple of days. By that I mean, I spent the weekend whining from the couch with a cup of hot tea in hand, wrapped in a blanket, wearing no make-up, with two tissues twisted and stuffed into each nostril to prevent nasal dripage, sporting sweat pants compliments of the dirty clothes hamper, and the ever attractive and sensually scented glow of being lathered in Vick’s Vap-O-Rub. I know…I am dead sexy and my husband is a lucky man.

While quarantined to the couch area I watched hours of television, took naps, and occasionally removed the tissues dangling from my nose long enough to slurp down a bowl of soup. Somewhere between a Bravo! marathon of Kath & Kim and the intro music to The Godfather (great TV programming, really) I lost any and all abilities that had previously allowed me to breath through my nose. Total nasal airway blockage had officially set in. When hearing of this occurrence, I’m sure many would say remove the dangling tissues from your nose and go blow the blockage into a fresh one. Well, I tried. I blew my nose until I cried a little and almost passed out then I did what any accomplished nose blower would do, I looked into the tissue to get a full appreciation of my work, only to find…absolutely nothing. Not one iota of snot. It was clogged.

To some, a fully blocked nasal passage is tolerable. To me it means only one thing – mouth breathing. Mouth breathing automatically deducts 3,000 cool points from any persons score and places them in the same category as Simon or Newt or Violet or any other snot-bubble-blowing, glasses-taping dork. My breathing suddenly sounded like an oscillating wind turbine. I kept getting distracted from the subtitles at the beginning of The Godfather because I was watching my deep mouth breaths rustle the fringe on the corner of the blanket I was using.

Sleeping with complete nasal blockage inevitably leads to three things: 1. Snoring 2. A sore throat and 3. extra thick wool socks on one’s teeth in the morning. So, Monday I added tired, a sore throat, and halitosis to my list of symptoms and started a strict regimen of two DayQuil tablets, a throat lozenge, glass of water and a mouth wash swish every four hours. I am happy to announce that today my nose is dripping again and has allowed enough air to flow through that I did not have to leave my mouth hanging open ¼ of an inch to breath. To ensure my own health and well-being as well as the comfort of those around me I am going to continue the previously mentioned regimen for a couple more days but I think I’ll be breathing fully through my nasal passages again in no time.

And So It Begins

Day one of blogging...
First and foremost I think it is important to give the following disclaimer regarding my blogging skills:
I'm neeeew. Give me a slight break please.

I'm not sure what you should expect to see on this page in the days to come. My ability to see into the future leads me to think that most days you will find random ramblings regarding people and their inability to be intelligent, insights on life and applicable lessons (yeah, right), terrific tirades, or maybe an amazing collection of small literary works. But mostly you will find a journal of my journey through this life describing my faith, thoughts, struggles, failures, and inspirations. I hope that you find some of what you read comical, some of it informative, and if any of it ever makes you cry I am way better at this blogging thing than I ever imagined.

So, I guess, ENJOY!!!